Yup, that’s right, I am currently in the 2ww (2 week wait of torture before one finds out if they are pregnant- for those uninitiated)
Update from last post:
On the day of the transfer, I woke up determined to feel positive. It did not matter that my own doctor would not be doing it – I am going to have a great transfer!
I reached the hospital at 9am as instructed, having drunk 500ml of water before I left home and another 200ml on the way over. I took it as a positive sign that I was not as bloated as the previous cycle – the 3 days of drinking 2L of 100Plus every single day helped I guess.
*On a side note, after abstaining from sweets and any sort of sweetener for 7 weeks, drinking the 100plus made me feel like puking because of how sweet it was. I can’t believe I am actually typing this. Me. The person who could eat 5 gulab jamuns in a gulp. Not proud of it.
Anyyywaaayyy, unfortunately upon reaching the clinic, my morning bowels started spinning and I was way too excited (had been having constipation since the OR – TMI I know) and had to rush to the toilet. There went my 700ml of built up water in my bladder -_-
Fortunately, the couple before us were taking slightly longer so I tried to chug as much water as I could when the nurse called us in. We quickly changed into the hospital robes and were ushered into a sterile-room where I lay on the stirrups and waited. I was so nervous and yet excited – everything has been going well and I did not want to jinx it by saying it out loud.
Soon, the embryologist came in and shivers went down my spine. The last time I saw an embryologist, he told me I only had 1 blast left to transfer and nothing to freeze. Not the memorY I wanted to re-create.
“Okayyy..we need to make some decisions”
“Gulp. Ah huh”
“Well we retrieved 23 eggs and like what we said, 13 were mature. They all fertilised”
“Huh, I thought you said 1 did not?”
“Oh it did but 1 was abnormal so we threw it away”
“Orh” (felt a little sad for my abandoned abnormie )
“So there are remaining 12..we are transferring 2 today”
(I was thinking there was going to be a discussion like the last time but I guess after having one miscarriage/chem pregnancy, all the risks of a multiple pregnancy don’t seem too risky anymore?)
“So we are left with 10..actually 9 because 1 is growing a little slowly but we will let it run a little longer and see if it catches up”
“Here’s the problem..if we want to freeze, we can freeze up to 7 embryos in 1 payment scheme. So if you want to freeze all 9 (or 10 if my late bloomer catches up), you would have to essentially pay for 2 sets”
As you can see, I was flowing with articulation with my intelligent, well-thought-of answers. NOT.
So we were told that each set would cost about $1600. So if we wanted to freeze all 9 or 10 of them, that would be over $3k or half that price for 7 of the embryos. The embryologist left V and I to discuss and left.
Deep in my heart I already knew the answer. The last cycle, my heart ached that I could not even produce enough eggs to have any left to store. I changed my lifestyle, tried to be as healthy as possible, the drs gave me a new medical protocol, I paid for expensive embryo culture solution, so just to increase the yield, even though my previous Dr said nothing much can be done as it was genetic (HAH! IN YOUR FACE!). And now, the problem was that I had too many to freeze in 1 go?
I was going to keep them ALL. Each of these eggs represent a possible chance of becoming my future child and why would I want to discard any such chances? Even if this cycle goes well, it still does not mean I will not need any more cycles.
As I looked at V, I told him “I don’t want to throw any away. They are too precious. Even if we never have to use them again”
“Are you okay with spending the money?” Mr Practical asked.
“We can always earn more money. I don’t want to throw them away”
I know it sounds cheesy but our eyes locked and we smiled. He of all people, knew my fear of not being able to stimulate enough and he knew what I meant. We told the embryologist our decision and she agreed with us, as according to her I am still young (TAKE THAT WHITE HAIRS ON MY TEMPLE!) and the eggs can be stored till I am 45 so I have plenty of opportunities to use them. And oh, in the few extra minutes we were discussing, the late-bloomer caught up!! So I would be storing all 10 of my babies.. AWWW…
So we went on preparing for the transfer. Soon Dr Hema came in and seeing her put my heart at ease. She looked confident and yet not too patronising. She read my files and was very pleased with my numbers and went on preparing for the procedure. Thankfully, there was just enough fluid in my bladder and she went on to put in the catheter. It was uncomfortable (cold) and I felt very stretched but it was not painful, unlike the last time. Really uncomfortable though. I had to take deep breaths to avoid thinking about the pressure down there.
I had initially asked the nurse if I could get some painkillers for the after-procedure as the last time, my cramps had been so intense I almost passed out. She then mentioned this to Dr Hema who looked at my uterus and said “Everything is going on very well, everything looks good, the catheter went in perfectly, so I think there shouldn’t be any cramps. But you can take Panadol if you do feel any.”
Feeling gleeful about her positive prognosis, I nodded and waited for the embryologist to bring my babies over. Soon, the screen beside me lighted up and there they were, my 2 perfect, 8-cell embryos. They were then sucked into a tube and the embryologist walked over and placed them in.
My beautiful embies
Before I knew it, it was over and Dr Hema said the magic words “It’s perfect. Your lining is as good as it can be. The embryos are looking great. Everything is as good as it can get!”
My heart swelled and I looked over at V and squeezed his hand as she showed us a white blob on the screen, indicating the pocket of air after the embryos, signalling that they indeed, are inside me right now.
As we profusely thanked her and she wished us all the best, I lay there on my back as V signed the embryo storage and insurance forms. I was not used to things going well, so I was preparing myself for some sort of bad news today. I did not know if I should feel relieved that everything went well or anxious as this probably meant the bad news was being postponed to another time when I would least expect it.
Soon we got dressed and waited for the nurse to be done with the next couple. I felt more confident of not having any cramps as I was feeling as normal as I could, whereas in KKH by this time, I was not able to stand up straight.
After an hour during which we had our breakfast(the couple after us had some complications and it was a Sunday, so there was only 1 nurse on call), the nurse briefed us on our upcoming appointments and the basic Do’s&Don’ts. We then left with a flurry of “All the best”s and “Thank you”s and headed home. Thankfully, the rest of the day was uneventful with no severe cramps. I rested all day with V forcing me to remain in bed.
Apart from going for my progesterone blood test 2 days later (level is good!), I have been at home reading, watching loads of shows and googling every minor symptom (or normal body function) I experience. Needless to say, it has been excruciating. Having a 3-day transfer means a longer 2ww as compared to a 5-day transfer so it has been quite torturous counting down the days.
On Thursday, (4days past transfer), I took a slow drive to the TCM practitioner to get some herbs to “help the baby stick”. My mum has been cooking for me daily and my dad drops the food off in the morning on his way to work. Thankfully, he works pretty near to my place so I don’t feel as bad. I tried to clear some work but have no heart to do all the heavy-duty stuff that is due at the end of the year yet. I finished catching up with “Bones”, “Big Bang Theory”, “Fresh Off The Boat” and just yesterday, a Korean drama recommended by my friend “Incarnate Jealousy” which more than filled my romance quota of the year! Oh gosh I can’t even count the number of times my heart skipped with each romantic line and look the suave actor delivered. I think the hormones are getting to me as my idea of suave are usually NOT ghost-white men who dress better than me. But…
The main lead who is currently controlling my heart-strings. SUAVE RIGHT!
I have also skimmed through a few books but am having difficulty finishing 1. This is a first for me – I don’t know why but maybe because my mind keeps drifting back to “What Ifs” and the chapter loses its appeal.
Today is 6DP3DT (6 days past 3 day transfer) and I have another 6 torturous days before my Beta. As I get closer to my Beta, I become paranoid about history repeating itself and run (walk quickly) to the toilet to check for spotting each time I feel something. I am driving myself crazy! ARGH
I have ordered some cheap HPTs online and will definitely test before my beta to prepare myself mentally. I don’t have to worry about the trigger HCG as I used Luprin for my trigger so there should not be any HCG in my system from that anyways. I think I will start testing in another 2 more days and I pray for all the courage my heart needs to see the results.