Today is 8DP3DT. That means I have another 4 more days before I go for my Beta test, to check for the presence of the HCG hormone in my blood, which indicates pregnancy.
To say I have been thinking about it would be an understatement. I have been doing nothing but obsessing about it. As of now, I have exactly 89 hours till I know the results of my Beta – assuming I have a 2-hour wait. If I deduct the number of hours I will be asleep, that results in 60 hours of awake-time.
Yes, I have been up to nothing but doing “how-much-time-left” Math for the past few days. My thoughts are ranging from “It will be fine” to “I should be preparing for major depression”. I have bought a few HPTs (Home Pregnancy Tests) online and am gathering the courage to use them.
Ironically, I am so afraid of seeing 2 lines on those tests. No, I would love being pregnant. But after the previous cycle where I started spotting 1 day after seeing those glorious lines, I am now so afraid history will repeat itself.
What if I get a BFP (Big Fat Positive) and lose it again?
What if I get a BFP and start spotting?
What if I get a BFP but it goes away after a few days?
I know, I know, I should just stop over-thinking and enjoy my free days of having absolutely nothing to do. But if you know me, I think you would know it is kinda near to impossible for me to not over-think. Over-thinking is what I do. Over-thinking is me.
I am trying so hard not to read too much into symptoms and second-guessing everything. But I can’t help but check for spotting every few minutes and thanking the heavens when I see nothing.
88 hours and 42 minutes to go.