It’s 11:58am as I type this and in 2 minutes time, it will be Mothers’ day. Just 3 years ago, it would have been a joyous celebration of all the strong women in my life, but for the past couple of years, it has been a black mark on my calendar – a day where I am reminded from all directions- a reminder of my biggest failure in life : infertility.
When everyone is wishing all the wonderful mothers (including my own superwoman) ‘Happy Mothers Day!’, I’ve come to expect a remark about how they’re waiting to wish me and when it will be my turn or even worse…why am I not wanting to have a child!
My internal (sometimes external) bitch would then roll my eyes and resist the urge to snap back at them, to mind their own business. But I know everyone means well..but that is it! Sometimes they have no idea the huge gaping hole we have, wishing that we too could celebrate this day with our very own bub. Ironically though, now almost everyone has an inkling we are having trouble conceiving (3.5 years of marriage..no kids..all other married cousins slowly overtaking us..yada yada) so they just keep quiet and look at us with such a pitiful look.
I don’t know which is worse actually.
Infertility has tormented my life for the past 2 years and it’s 2 years too much. However, I (and my wonderful husband) have been getting through it with the help of my wonderful friends and family PLUS some great blogs that have shown me that I’m not alone in this terribly lonely journey. Sadly though, these blogs are a rarity, especially from the Singaporean context.
I understand the lack of discussion- it’s not as if infertility is a rare phenomenon, 1 out of 8 couples face infertility issues – but it is a taboo subject. People who have it are embarrassed to speak up due to the whispers and judgement we face and people who don’t, either say the wrong things or don’t know what to say.
So I started this blog (or whatever the cool kids call it) – to share my experiences on this difficult, heartbreaking, hairdressing process. So other fellow sufferers – from now on referred to as Warriors – can know that you’re not alone. And for all the fortunate ones out there, so you can know what we feel like and how you can be a wonderful source of support for us all. it’s not easy to expose myself like this but I think it’s time we stop treating infertility like a ticking time bomb. we need to talk about it so that there is more awareness about this. So, please bare with me as I bare my soul.
The time now is 12:16 AM. It is Mothers’ day and I wish ALL of you wonderful mothers a happy, joyous and beautiful Mothers’ day celebrations with your lil miracles 😘😘